Downfall of A God
by Moonlight by Beethoven
Summary: As I lay here in the darkness, remembering our time together, I realize that you have made my life complete.I can only remember your blue eyes piercing through my soul. And then I stop and ask myself again, what have I become? Please review! Yaoi
1. Prologue

I can't comprehend what drove us here. What led me to be who I am now?

I am scared, Ban. It is dark in here, and I can't see the way out. I know where I am, but I can't accept it; if I do, it would be the end, the end of me, the end of everything I believe in. I feel compelled to give up, to let someone else take over my life; for once, it would be great if someone else could carry my burden—the unshed tears, the humorless smiles. I can already hear what you would say to that. "Ginji, are you crazy? Since when do you give up so easily? We are the GetBackers, and we get the job done no matter what!". I can see clearly the way your blue eyes would pierce into mine while you say those words; I can even picture your bright smile justifying everything I've fought for, your lips holding a cigarette.

I think you should stop smoking, Ban. If you're not careful, you'll die from cancer. Funny how nothing can kill you: not the hunger or the lack of money, or the fatal wounds you get from our missions; yet that horrid habit slowly steals your life away as you see it before your eyes, vanishing into the sky in the form of gray smoke… I never told you this, but at times I hate it when you smoke, the car smells funky after a while, not to mention your clothes. Though I might add despite myself, I never knew someone who looked so good smoking. It sure fits you.

As I lay here in the darkness, remembering our time together, I realize that you, Ban Midou, have made my life complete. The times we had to sleep in the car, the long days where we would starve because we didn't have enough money to buy something to eat; the rainy afternoons with Natsumi and Paul in the Honky Tonk, and the fun we'd have when Kasuki and Shido and Heaven and Madoka and everyone else were with us. Yet I can only remember your blue eyes piercing through my soul, your confident smile encouraging me to be a better person. I don't know what I would be had not been for you, Ban. Thank you.

And then, I ask myself again, what have I become?


	2. Beginnings

So here's the first chapter, really (I know, I know, doesn't look like it). If you are reading this, _please review_. I am terrified of posting this online D :

**Listening to:** My Vampire Heart by Tom McRae

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GetBackers. If I did, Ban and Ginji would have already had hot, steamy secks xD

* * *

Where does it all start? Do we start living as soon as we fight our way into this world, crying desperately as we cling to the tiniest hope? Or maybe it starts when we babble our first set of words, and we start gathering memories into the box of our souls. Maybe we start living when we find our purposes, our reason to be here, the mission we must fulfill before we go back to heaven and wait eternally the chance to reincarnate again. But I've been thinking about it, and maybe, just maybe, we don't start living until death's hand is upon us, caressing our cheek softly and whispering sweet, alluring word in our ear. Maybe once that happens, once we see ourselves unable to stop "life" from running away into the sky we fully understand its value and we beg for one last chance— we hold on to the forgotten hope we clung to when we first were thrown into this world, naked and vulnerable.

So, I guess I have had many beginnings. The Lightning Emperor started out as a small, defenseless boy thrown into a cruel, cold world, crying from fear and hunger. He was still the same little boy when someone very strong and very compassionate adopted him and raised him as if he were his own child. That person, Takeru Teshimine, taught him—us—the most valuable thing in the whole universe: You can't live alone, or you'll get crushed by the weight of this damn cruel world. He was a very wise person, Ban, and since then I trusted: I trusted Shido, and Kazuki and Makubex, and they never let me down, not even once. They fought their way through life and this world to be who they are right now, just as I know that you fought your way through life and made it here.

To where I was, lost, confused… and lonely.

And I have asked this question many, many times: Where does Ginji Amano start? And I think I have figured this one out—Ban, I really thought about it, and somewhere deep in my heart, I know that I'm right. I start where you start. Ginji Amano, the member of the GetBackers start where Ban Midou ends. I close my eyes and let go when I'm sure you'll be there to catch me, just as I'm sure that you trust me. Ginji Amano starts where there is a hope and a chance to fight. The GetBackers start where there is a chance of a new tomorrow, a new chance to find out the truth about that mysterious thing called life.

And I start at the Honky Tonk every morning, a nice warm cup of coffee and fresh bread on the table, the people I cherish the most sitting around me.

I really thought that morning was going to be the same. But I guess nobody could have guessed what it would happen next. I didn't know it at the time, Ban, but that morning was yet another beginning. The beginning of the end.


	3. Healing

_Third chapter out! Woot! *Celebrates*_

_Took me a while 'cause I only get inspired by night, when my mom is using the computer. Gosh, how I wish I owned a laptop..._

_Anyways, I think this chapter was a little long, wasn't it? My paragraphs just keep getting longer and longer. Which makes me kinda self conscious...  
_

_Please read and review, please please please!!!  
_

_**Currently: **Wondering where the hell this story is going Dx_

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It had been a long day. The sun was setting behind us, slowly giving way to a beautiful summer night full of stars while an intense crimson red colored the sky and outlined the dying ghost that was Infinity Fortress. The Honky Tonk was luring us with its promise of warmth and a nice, revitalizing cup of coffee made by Paul waiting for us on the table. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water in delight; Ban, I think we should pay that tab someday, you know? Paul might kick us out one day—no, really, I mean it. I wonder why he hasn't done it yet. He's just a really great person, isn't he?

Anyways, back to the story. With my foot I closed the door of the Subaru, and as I could I dragged you to the door of the café, where a worried Natsumi was waiting for us, a crooked, halfhearted smile on her pretty face.

"Ban, Ginji, welcome back!" She said, stepping aside so we could get in. Good thing there were no clients, because we looked pathetic: My forehead was bleeding profusely, my ankle had been sprained and it hurt really bad, and my clothes were dirty and ripped; but you, Ban, you were in a very ban condition: Your left eye was badly bruised, your lip split up, your arm had been badly broken, and a deep cut across your ribs and another across your thigh left you unable to stand by yourself, so you had to lean on me, wrapping your good arm around my neck while I carefully held you by the waist. Not a pretty sight at all.

I wanted to know what had happened, but I didn't ask. I assumed you would tell me soon enough.

"Oh my God! Ban, Ginji, you need to go to a hospital!" Natsumi said, running to the back of the store to get the first- aid kit.

"That's what I told him, but Ban wouldn't have any of it" I said, as if excusing myself for your bad condition. You just averted your eyes and scoffed, as if that would solve everything. Gently I placed you on the closest table, hissing in pain when my hurt feet touched the floor.

"Good Lord, you guys didn't even have time to go to a hospital?" Paul said as Natsumi came back, the first-aid kit in one hand, a damp cloth in the other. She handed me the towel to clean my forehead then sat down beside you to treat your wounds. As I had expected you to do, you moved aside, kindly rejecting her actions. Natsumi looked at you worriedly, but she knew better than to insist. Arguing with you was like arguing with a rock.

"I'll be fine, Paul. I just need a source of electricity..." I said, looking around. Where was an electrical outlet when you needed one? "Oh, found it!" Slowly I made my way across the café to the bar where an electrical outlet waited patiently for me. Without a second thought I put my fingers on the outlet and produced a very small spark of electricity. That was enough to complete the circuit. The lights went out as my body received a relatively small electric charge. When I let go and the light went back, my body felt better already. I stretched, suddenly feeling very, very tired.

"Well, let's go, Ginji" You said, standing up. You stumbled and almost fell, but Paul caught you by the waist in time. You just ignored him and kept walking with slow, painful movements toward the door. The night had already set in, and the air outside was warm and humid; sleeping in the car with such weather was always uncomfortable. Yet you didn't stop walking or said a word until you were set behind the wheel, your blue eyes cold as ice and fixed on the road ahead.

Ban, what is wrong with you?

"Ginji, get in" you said coolly, not looking my way. I looked back at Paul and Natsumi, who were startled by your behavior. I smiled, assuring them that I'll get you to a hospital, and then climbed into the car which was hot and sticky thanks to the humidity. Miraculously, the engine started, and we were on our way to anywhere, complete silence between us.

Finally, I dared to speak.

"Ban, where are we going?"

"A client is waiting for us" was the reply.

"You can't go anywhere with those wounds. You'll die from blood loss!"

"Not now, Ginji. This is important, you know" you said, patronizing me. How I hated when you took that tome with me.

"Ban… what happened during our last mission?" I asked, trying to search the answer in your eyes. You looked back at me with blue eyes that hid hundreds of secrets that you were never meant to know. "Later, Ginji. After we finish this job"

I sighed, giving in. I knew better than to argue. I took my shirt off and ripped it in half, creating a couple of makeshift bandages. Then I reached out and took a clean black shirt. "Then at least cover your wounds, Ban. They look bad" and they did. That was going to leave an ugly scar behind.

Sometimes, I wished everybody in the world could have my extraordinary healing abilities.

"Well, we're here" You said after a moment of silence, stopping in front of a dark, smelly alley. You turned off the headlights and stood in quiet scrutiny.

"Ugh, how I hate tests" I said, looking through the window at the impenetrable darkness. Surrounding us, at least ten men wearing only black waited for us, ready to strike.

* * *

_So... what do you think? Liked it, hated it? _

_I think Ban is so out of character right now... xD _

_Oh well, but it's all for a reason._

_Please comment?_

_-Moonlight by Beethoven._


	4. Darkness

_Ohhh another chapter!!!! :'DDDD_

_Hope you like it, and people who take the time to read and comment, thank you so much! You make me get a warm feeling in my stomach._

_So, without any delay: Tah-duh!!!!!_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own GetBackers. Darn it!_

_**Currently:** Procrastinating (Once again)  
_

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I took a deep breath; feeling very tired all of the sudden. I faintly saw my breath fog the window of the car, dimming the deep darkness for a second, and then disappeared in a second without leaving a trace behind. Beside me, you lit up a cigarette nonchalantly, a faint trace of a smile curving your lips. Don't smoke in the car, you idiot! My clothes are going to smell all funky.

Besides, I don't think smoking is good when you are slowly bleeding to death.

"Ginji, do you mind taking care of this one?" You asked coolly, your blue eyes confidently looking at me. If I didn't know you so well, I wouldn't have noticed the way you restrained yourself from wincing in pain while keeping that confident mask on at all times. At the moment, many thoughts raced through my mind: Don't you trust me enough to say when you're not at your best? Do you think that I'd do something wrong if I worry about you?—Yes, I'd probably tie you up to the car and finish the mission myself, but I'd doubt such a trivial thing would stop you—Is this mission, whatever the hell it is we have to retriever, so important that you'd risk your life for it?

Aren't my pleas enough to get to you?

Instead, I smiled. "Only if you buy me some bento afterward" I said, kicking the door open and jumping out. The men were harmless enough with their weird tuxedos and stout faces, and in five seconds I had stunned them into submission.

I glanced around, waiting for something to jump at me. I listened intently, but no sound came to me, only the darkness staring back at me with midnight eyes. Relieved that there was no apparent danger, I turned around. "Ban, everything's fine, you can come out" I said, walking back to the car. I had let my guard down; when I sensed some object flying toward me with unnatural speed I turned around, but I was too late; I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact, but I felt nothing. When I dared to open my eyes and see what was left of me, you were right beside me, holding a white scalpel with your good hand. With the slightest squeeze the blade snapped in two, falling at your feet with a soft noise.

When I tried to turn around, you placed your hand on my shoulder and stopped me. "Don't move, Ginji. The scalpel has pierced your lung" you whispered into my ear, your hot breath ticking me. My heart accelerated and my stomach tightened in fear. Only one person could be so deadly accurate as to stab me without me feeling it.

Kurodo Akabane.

I froze in place. My head was working overtime, wondering so many things at once. Would I die? What would it feel like? Do Akabane's victims feel any pain before being sliced into tiny little pieces? And what was Akabane doing in the place of _our_ mission?

"You sure handle knives very well, but you are not Dr. Jackal. Who are you?" I heard you say.

There was a cold silence surrounding us, and though the presence had vanished a long time ago, I could still hear a little girl's laugh, childish and cold, resonating through my mind. I stayed in place, not daring to move or breathe, fearing that the slightest move would cut me into tiny little pieces. You, on the other hand, blew out a gray puff of toxic smoke on my face, which caused me to start coughing repeatedly. When I realized that I should have been sliced by now, I stood very still, waiting for my arms to fall off or my stomach to start bleeding. Nothing happened.

"Ban" I asked terrified. "Am I dead already?"

You looked at me with blue eyes that were mocking me, and then playfully punched on the shoulder. "Jerk. The scalpel dissolved as soon as the little girl vanished. You're fine"

Oh; sweet, sweet life. I was still alive and well. I clung to you in glee, then pulled back when you winced in pain. I had forgotten you were wounded. Then again, no one would have known: The way you stood, straight and menacing was convincing, and the black shirt hid your vicious wounds and brought out your eyes. Amid the darkness, you looked strangely handsome, like a beautiful god of death with glacial eyes.

An unjustified pang of envy hit me across the face. Why couldn't I be as handsome as you?

The client, an old man with a tendency to spend lots of money on traditional artifacts was very nice. He didn't let you enter his house smoking, and for that he gained my admiration—Really Ban, don't you know that smoking is bad for the lungs?— He asked us to sit behind an old fashioned office room where none of the servants would be able to hear us, and then he settled himself behind the heavy mahogany desk.

"I want you to retriever twelve letters" He explained patiently, while we listened closely." They belong to a set of thirteen letters that, in the wrong hands, would bring destruction to the most prestigious pharmaceutical companies of Japan." He sighed and slid a leather-bound diary and an old letter across the shiny desk toward us. "I only have this diary and this letter as clues. This was the first letter the scientist wrote, and the diary contains the events that happened during the time the letters were written—two years. I do not wish you to read these, but I'm afraid it's the only way to find the letters" He looked aside, as if he was making a choice he knew would regret later.

"Do you know who could have possibly stolen the letters?" You asked, all business. "Any enemies, for example?"

"I don't know who did it. I just know that he, whoever he is, currently resides in the upper floors of Infinity Fortress"

I gasped, yet I kept quiet. I didn't want to go there just yet, not when…

"If you successfully bring the letters as soon as possible, I'll pay you 20 million yen in cash" The old man begged." I could pay you more; money is not an issue to me"

You, oblivious to my dilemma, stood up and grinned confidently, shaking the client's hand. "The GetBackers accept this job, sir. We'll bring those letters as soon as possible." Sighing in defeat, I tucked the diary into my pocket, while you took the yellowish letter. We said our goodbyes and we left.

Once out of earshot, my doubts freely flowed out of my mouth.

"Ban, do you think that was—"

"If we get this job, we won't need to worry about money for a while" You winced. "Don't you want that, Ginji? I'll be able to finally pay for the car repairs!" You grinned proudly.

You looked happy with the money we'd get out of it, so I shut my mouth and reluctantly followed you to the car.

"Where are we going, Ban?" I asked when you turned the engine, the headlights cutting a path through the night and into the city.

"I don't know. Somewhere we can park and get some sleep. I don't have enough money to pay for a hotel room tonight"

I was too tired to protest, so I let you drive while I looked at the city lights in silence, the leather-bound diary pressing against my leg.

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_The chapter was going to be longer, with a small dialogue between the duo and Kazuki, but it didn't feel quite right and so I deleted it._

_Anyways, I hope to hear from you. Comment, please? That'd be awesome! I need some feedback._

_And for some reason, Ban just keeps getting out of character xD_

_-Moonlight by Beethoven_


	5. Secrets

_Sorry for the super-duber not-so-awesome delay!!!_

_I had lots of stuff to do, and then... yeah, I forgot, sorry ///w///_

_So... here it is! Comments, please?_

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Sometimes, I dream with the Lighting Lord. He appears in my mind, all grace and fearlessness, his empty brown eyes staring back at me with an unreadable expression. That's the whole dream: just me and him facing each other, looking at each other's eyes, waiting for the other to step back and look away so we can declare ourselves the victor and take the non-existence prize. Sometimes I try to talk to him in the dream, but every time I open my mouth his beautiful face vanishes, turns into smoke and I find myself alone, staring into the impenetrable darkness. The next morning, when I wake up, I call myself weak for letting the Lightning Lord escape so easily from my gasp and I try to figure out the words that he would have spoken had he not disappeared. I mentally punish myself, knowing that I am not strong enough to face him yet, knowing that if it were you, Ban, he would have been scared. Maybe if the little boy who had been lost inside Infinity Fortress had been you instead of me, the Lightning Lord would have not existed. And I would not be waking up with a start, sweaty and angry at myself for wasting yet another chance.

I am still second to you, Ban; once a distant second after all this time. And that scares me. That means that I will never reach you, no matter how high I aim.

So I turn around and close my eyes, promising myself that the next day I'd do better.

* * *

I heard your deep breathing echoing inside the car, soft, slow, a sign that you were still alive. I sat up, my body stiff from the awkward position and I looked out the window. Judging from the position of the moon, I only slept a couple of hours, maybe three max. I glanced at you furtively; you were sound asleep, your lips open, your face in a relaxed expression only a few lucky people get to see. I didn't want to wake you up-you needed the rest way more than I did-so I open the door as silently as possible and slipped out of the car, breathing in relief once I felt the cold air.

I walked over to the sideway and sat down on the pavement, glad with taking deep breaths and stretch myself and think about what has happened. The diary touched my leg, and my curiosity made me pull it out of my pocket and open it to the first page. The handwriting was small, and very neat, proper of someone refined and intelligent. I shifted my body so the light pole would illuminate the pages, and started to read avidly.

**_May 5th._**

_The director greeted me cheerfully as soon as I entered his office. He was kind and his smile was warm; I felt like I was again in my father's office, enjoying a small moment of happiness with him. He said he liked my resume, especially the research project that I was working on. He said that, if I agreed to work with them, he would fully finance my project and give me any kind of aid I might need. The idea of almost an unlimited amount of resources still fills me with joy._

_"Anything you need" The man repeated. "Money, laboratories, custom tools… people…"_

_"I am quite confident I can do this by myself, sir. Thank you so much for the offer, though. I really appreciate it" I replied politely, still not able to believe that such a man existed; God's gift to me._

_"No, thank you. We need a mind like you. Welcome aboard, Rebecca"_

_"Thank you, sir. I am very honored to be working under your command"_

_"I do have a request though; all research you find must be immediately brought to me. We trust each other, don't we?"_

_I replied a second too late. "Yes, sir. Of course. I will report you my research"_

_"That's my girl…" He smiled once again, and his honest smile brought happy memories back._

_But as I smiled back, I was already planning on how to prevent my research from being discovered._

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_So... what do you think?_

_Again, sorry for the delay... and for the fact that Ban only appears sleeping in this chapter xDDD_

_Review, please?_

_-Moonlight by Beethoven_


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